The Trouble With Fat Admiration
Fat admiration – a perfect physical preference, right? Something that puts us at an advantage over the overwhelming majority of men, all fighting over an increasingly limited supply of skinny girls? Let’s face it, excessive weight is seen as a bad thing by society as a whole – something to be avoided, something that is unattractive and something that will only cause you harm. So if slim women are the preference of the majority, are we at some sort of advantage as FAs? From experience I would say perhaps, but it isn’t always that simple.
It certainly could be argued that being attracted to fat girls puts you at an advantage. After all, even if you are not a man blessed with film star looks, oodles of charisma and personality and a king sized wallet, your lady of choice falls within a niche market and, let’s face it, there would appear to be an abundance of supply and not so much demand, putting you in the driving seat.
And there might be something in that. I struggled to meet girls in my younger years for all sorts of reasons, such as lack of confidence. Maybe that’s why I started opening my mind to increasingly full-figured women as I progressed into adulthood, although by the time I had accepted within my own mind that I was a fat admirer, I found myself married to a petite UK size 10. For reasons far too varied and complex to go into here, the marriage broke down some years later.
And so I had my chance to delve into the world of BBW dating. Not being the kind of guy who can swagger into a bar or club and start chatting up some stranger with a view to whisking her away a couple of hours and a few drinks later, I took to the Internet, where I set up a profile on a BBW dating site in search of my perfect match.
I didn’t have any great expectations, but to my surprise dozens of BBWs of all ages and backgrounds showed an interest – either just to say hello or to spark up a conversation. I know there are sites out there with fake profiles used to coax potential subscribers into joining to investigate further, but I can say with some certainty that this was not the case here. From this point I knew there were options out there for me post-marriage, and I knew that it was big girls all the way from that point on. And yes, I suspected that many, if not all, of these ladies did not feel they could aim too high, as their size would deem them unattractive relative to their slimmer counterparts.
I could write a whole book about what went on next, but suffice to say I struck up a lasting relationship with one of the ladies from the site. At a UK size 24 she is firmly in BBW territory, but not quite SSBBW; big enough to call the girl of my dreams, but small enough to live a normal life. The ups and downs have been immense, but we have battled through and have a good relationship.
So far this might just sound like a brief life story, but the point to all of this is that, in forming a relationship with a big woman, I have discovered the pitfalls as well as the advantages of being a fat girl lover.
So what are the disadvantages of BBW attraction? Here are a few that I have identified, either from personal experience or from reading about others in a similar position:-
1. Even BBWs themselves think it’s weird that you would fancy them
As I mentioned at the start, being fat is largely condemned by society, and big women are made to believe they are unattractive – and of course unhealthy – to such an overwhelming extent that, deep down, they can’t quite come to terms with the idea that men like me could possibly exist at all. Both my girlfriend and her sister are big women and yet, both of them almost mock me for my preferences, suggesting that I am in some way unusual for finding them attractive at all. “Surely you can’t find that attractive,” my girl will say, as she kneads her rolls of fat in apparent disgust, leaving me to feel almost sexually depraved and a little reluctant to admit that actually, yes, I do indeed find that attractive, which is kind of why we are together!
As I said before, I don’t have the confidence to approach strangers and start chatting them up, but I am reliably informed that if you approach a fatty and try your luck with her, you’re likely to get nowhere. Again, they don’t believe you are interested and, sadly, there are those who will approach them either as a dare or purely for the purpose of adding it to their list of life experiences. That all means that there is a tough barrier to break down. Again, I am not an expert, but I am led to believe a slow and cautious approach, such as an occasional glance, is the best starting point. And even if you overcome these hurdles, they will never truly believe you fancy them!
2. They don’t want to be fat, even if you prefer them that way
Just because a small percentage of men like big women, you are not going to convince them that fat is good and should be positively encouraged. I tell my girl all the time that she looks great just the way she is and, being honest, she could go several sizes bigger and that would be fine too, but naturally she does not want to be an unhealthy size any more than anybody else. She does not wish to be a size 4, but is nevertheless “on a diet” and forever trying to slim down, leaving us both paranoid about whether I would still be attracted to her if she were to shed a significant amount of weight. It puts her in a dilemma – does she slim down and risk losing me, or stay big and risk her health? We all know the common sense answer, but it poses a problem all the same.
3. You could be deemed selfish for wanting to keep them big
And so to the next problem – I am then left feeling like I am selfish. Which I am, really. What sort of a man wishes the lady of his life to be so large that she cannot wear regular clothes, is a walking health hazard and is pointed at in the street? After all, keeping her big is more about me than her; about satisfying my own pleasures irrespective of the impact it might have on her own confidence, health or well-being. But then I think, is it wrong to be attracted to something and to want to seek it out and encourage it? And is it unreasonable to encourage her to at least maintain her weight, so that she is still all the woman she was when I first sought her out online, and met for the first time? I don’t know. It’s a very tricky one, for both of us.
4. It IS unhealthy
The desire to keep slim is more than just about adhering to what is considered socially acceptable. Fat can be unhealthy. It can mean greater risk of diseases such as diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, mobility problems and ultimately shortened lifespan. Many a time I have stared lustfully at a 400+ pound woman only to think, what the hell am I doing!? This is so unhealthy and I shouldn’t be liking this so much. Attraction to women of a certain height, age, hair color, skin color or whatever is no big deal, but where fat is involved, you are at odds with the rest of the world as it only stands to fuel an obesity epidemic that is compromising the health of millions. The trouble is, that doesn’t stop us liking what we like. Indeed, a common fantasy among FAs is to watch a girl eat with the goal of becoming even bigger, despite the obvious health implications.
5. We are often embarrassed by our preferences
Just as fat girls are made to feel unattractive by society thanks to its widespread condemnation of obesity, their admirers too can feel as if they might end up subject to ridicule if people discover their preferences. Some might even compare it to coming out as gay, although I doubt this is an entirely fair comparison. It is more down to the fact that people largely want to be accepted by those around them, and by coming out as an FA, you risk becoming the subject of the same kind of ridicule as the very women you admire.
I spent a lot of my early adulthood accepting even within myself that I was a BBW admirer, so it should be no surprise that it wasn’t something I went around shouting about. Rather than saying anything outright, I tended to drop ever more obvious hints. At the sight of a larger lady, I might say something like “wow, she’s curvy” rather than a more typical reaction that might involve criticizing her for being fat. Or I would express a general interest in bigger girls, perhaps suggesting that my attraction to them was down to their pretty face, bigger breasts or whatever.
I hear of many FAs in relationships who are actually reluctant to take their partners out as they feel uncomfortable being seen with them. I personally have no such problem – I can go anywhere with a BBW on my arm and be the proudest man in the room. I don’t know if I am just less image conscious than others or just proud to be different, but certainly it has never been an issue for me. But did I ever tell my friends or parents outright? No, I just left it to them to work it out.
6. Practical issues
Particularly if your girl is supersized, there are all sorts of difficulties that any large person, male or female, can be faced with. Going clothes shopping? That could be fun if your girl is a size 30. Going to a restaurant? Best make sure there is plenty of room at the table, and the food bill might not be cheap. How about a holiday abroad? Then how about flying first class if you want her to fit in that plane seat. Then there’s the health issues, and the fact that she might not be able to walk too far, and of course sex could present a few challenges if she is really big. Few of these challenges are insurmountable, but they are challenges all the same which only add to the list of issues mentioned above.
So as you can see, it isn’t all fun and games being a fat lover, and there are days when I wish I preferred slim women like the majority do. But I can honestly say that I didn’t choose it, it chose me, and none of us can help liking what we like. There are worse things to be attracted to and, for the most part, I enjoy being part of a niche crowd with a niche interest. And as for what others think? Life is too short to worry about that.