Being a Plus-Size Woman – a Curse or a Blessing

I have been a plus-size all my life. Even when I was a little girl, it was obvious that I would never wear tight jeans and short skirts (although I had killer legs, but still plus-size). I have been through a lot struggling with my plus-size identity. Let me tell you my personal experience so that you use it as your own.

1.  Boys always liked me in my adolescent years… but only as a friend – it was a bitter pill to swallow that when I liked someone, I had to face the fact that we could only be good friends and saw him making out with a friend of mine for example. Boys always liked me, they could talk to me, they could share secrets, they could trust me, but nothing more. I preferred to keep it that way so that I didn’t lose the pleasant sensation of having them around. But why wasn’t that enough…

2.  Girls didn’t like me much, because they thought that I took the attention of the boys off them by always being in their company – thinking about that now, I wonder, whether stupidity is a prerogative of slim women, or it is a coincidence. They could never see through the relationship I had with these boys and were jealous for nothing. At a much later stage in my life, I would realize what an advantage I had – being able to talk and listen to men, be their best friend.

3.  I believed that online dating would be the answer to my hopes to find a partner – what a big deception and disappointment… After talking to so many men in dating sites, never hiding my weight and not even once putting a false picture, the end result was a married man, a psycho, a liar, an ex-convict, a lesbian pretending to be a man (I think she was using a friend’s profile because the photos looked as if they were taken of a real person) and many more others who are not even worth mentioning. They all said that looks didn’t matter, it was all about the soul of a woman, that they needed someone to talk to and feel comfortable with and it all ended the same “I thought you looked slimmer”, “Maybe you can lose some weight”, etc. So I just ended up erasing all my profiles in dating sites, because it was just a waste of time for me.

4.  I didn’t have a style of my own – I used to wear clothes that made me look fat, unattractive and slack. If it wasn’t for my auburn long hair and big breasts, people would mistake me for a man. I thought that long shirts and loose trousers will hide my extra pounds. Another deception that played a bad trick on me…

5.  I didn’t feel very good about myself – I thought that in the eyes of people I was just a fat girl with low self-esteem and bad eating habits. I had friends that looked the same (as you know misery loves a friend) and no one did anything to change that. At home no one commented on my weight because they believed that I inherited the strong bone structure of my father.

What happened one day that turned my whole perception of myself around?

I was coming home and some guys made a bad comment about me in the street. I hardly managed to run upstairs and hoped there would be no one at home so that I could cry myself out. But my father was there, and being daddy’s girl, he knew there was something wrong. I told him about the guys in the street and he looked at me for a few moments and said: “Wait a minute… I want to show you something.” He took a book from the shelf. I will never forget that book… It was a small blue booklet with reproductions of famous painters. He opened it on the reproduction “The birth of Venus” by Botticelli and asked me: “Is she fat?”, I said “No.”, then he asked “Is she beautiful?”, I said “Yes, she is.” and then he said “You look just like her, she is a pattern of beauty and whoever tells you different I allow you to kick them in the balls.” This was the moment when my whole perception of my personality turned around. I changed my hair style, changed my clothes, I was radiating with happiness because I finally felt beautiful. My father, being the most important and influential male figure in my life, turned me into a plus-size butterfly just by snapping his fingers. I will never forget this lesson as it defined the relationship with every man that I had afterwards.

I will not say that I married the first man that I fell in love with. I will not say that I am on a diet all my life. I will not say that I never eat junk food. I will not say that I compromise my beliefs because I think that I will never find a boyfriend because I am a plus-size. Take my advice so that you can enjoy your life in full:

Don’t think that there is only one man that will love you and you should marry him so that you don’t miss the last train to marriage bliss. Enjoy life, date as many people as you can, until your heart tells you that you have found the one who will love every bit of your plus-size butt. If you like dating sites, make a profile and always tell the truth about your weight and put a real photo of yourself. But don’t hang on too long there, because you will be caught in the virtual love trap and that doesn’t bring anything in real life. Don’t judge those who don’t like plus-size women – feel sorry for them because they don’t know what they are missing and in the end they will come around to their senses.

birth-of-venus
The birth of Venus, Botticelli

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